Cold Heartless Cash

Have you heard about the new coins that are sans the inscription "In God We Trust"?

Gee, won't "In God We Trust" being removed from currency insult all of those businesses out there making money hand over fist? I bet that all foreign and domestic money advisors and business owners will close their doors and stop trading in US currency to show their spiritual resolve! And I'm not even sure that strippers will continue to let people put money in their G-strings if we eventually take these words off the loot. Who wants a five spot rubbing against your bumper and grinder if it is not "sanctified"?!

Only... now that the slogan is being removed, and people are boycotting... should we worry that our whole economy might fail? People might think Americans don't trust in God now. (Except those heathens who have the audacity to practice a different religion or philosophy that does not recognize the Christian/Judaeic God-Head as ominpotent.) So... good idea boycotting this new money (even though it would actually be recognizing the rights given to us in our Constitution to practice religious freedom in this country!!)

I especially enjoy how this "In God We Trust" thing has been used by our elected leader George W. Bush to wage war on enemies and simulataneously compromise our global reputation with our planetary neighbors. I think "W" has really contemplated the deeper meaning of the teachings "love thy enemy" and "love thy neighbor" and therefore is practically a prophet in his revelation that those beliefs must be interpreted as bomb the be-Jesus out of other countries (and just lie if you need to justify it - you've already breeched that "thou shalt not kill" thing so how bad could lying be?) Besides it could profit the US in the long run by having dominion over the holy land, er I mean over oil rich soil. And if Haliburton or our personal family ties benefit as well... BONUS (that covers honor thy mother and father right?)!!!

So print me up some MORE cash and coinege that CLEARLY proves "In God We Trust"!!! As a matter of fact let's remove the faces of those old presidents and just print God's face right there on the durned bills! (Anybody know what God looks like? Gosh, makes you wonder, if Jesus was the son of God and was from the area of the world that Americans are now bombing... how does anybody know we aren't bombing his present incarnation, or his descendant relatives? My bet is that he never did have reddish brown hair and white skin as presently portrayed in the majority of American Jesus iconography, what with being from Nazareth and all?)

Back to my point though...

It is probably better that these new "godless" coins not be allowed to fit into coke machine slots (apparently a potential problem with changing coins now that there are a gazillion machines out there that won't recognize them!) Besides, people might continue to purchase products like Coke "Black" which is clearly destabilizing the white supremecy in this country... or "Cherry Coke" which is a reminder that chastity is absolutely necessary until marriage (and don't worry we will clearly define marriage for you as well) so that you can be a pure soul. (Of course we all know where we stood on THOSE particular moral issues through the years... anyone remember college? Anybody have any inter-racial or same gender pre-marital experiences to share with the class...?)

This seperation of "God" from the money thing... it's just taking personal rights too far! We all know that any "God" worth his pillar of salt would want to be deified in materialism as opposed to worshipped quietly in the hearts of devotees!

[*****FLASH*****]

Well folks, my sarcasm could continue... but lightning just struck awfully close to where I am standing, so- in the interest of trusting that God missed on purpose... I gotta run...

May the peace of your inner Buddha manifest in you [****THUNDERCLAP*****] okay, okay (crossing fingers behind back)... In God we Trust!

Love ya'll like a shiny new Quarter that has the state on it you were looking for!
Love,
Joy Beagle